This Honda Ridgeline Is Ready For Zombies

"Jonathan Harper" (jbh) 09/17/2013 at 10:00 • Filed to: honda, ridgeline, zombie, apocalypse, jbh

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I spotted this extremely well equipped Ridgeline in Brooklyn earlier today. At first I was like, "hm cool matte black truck," and then I looked closer and was all, "holy SHIT is that a solar panel on the hood?!"

Starting at the front we've got a hefty winch, a large array of auxiliary lights, and some solar panels affixed to the hood. The panels looked pretty rugged too (as much as a solar panel can be rugged) with a protective metal frame around the outside and even a little wind/rock-chip deflector across the front edge.

Another large aux light array is followed by a purposeful looking roof rack. I'd imagine there are some canned foods, a blanket, a jug of water, and maybe even a flare in there. Oh ya, and there are more lights on the roof rack. I bet you could see this thing from space on a bright night, like after the zombies attack the power grid and the astronauts are stuck in space with no idea what the fuck is going on down there...what were we talking about?

Then we move to the bed; containing a collapsible bike and a collapsible picnic table, which is not exactly fitting with the theme because I can't imagine who would go for a bicycle ride or have a picnic whilst evading an undead throng. It also appears to have a fire extinguisher and possible air compressor (on the left side of the bed?)

The owner has different wheels he pops on when he's heading for the hills. Realistically you wouldn't the time to pop home and swap out the wheels. But besides the wheel thing this Honda Ridgeline, by all appearances, is ready for anything. If I see zombies; I'm heading for Brooklyn.

Keep up with JBH on !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , and !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

vicali > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 10:09

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Collapsible picnic table is actually water/gas tanks..

You should come around Expo more often..

Who needs sway bars anyway > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 10:15

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By extremely well equipped you mean covered in bolt on nonsense? The guy has 14 auxiliary lights... what the fuck is that, you can cross Baja with 6 going 100 mph what are the other 6 for? sending signals to the moon? Guy doesn't even have proper all terrains. I'd love to see the recovery process with that winch and bumper.. Bets on how long it would take before the whole assembly gets ripped off? what size tubing is that 1/2in? Plus that does great for his approach angle first hill he goes to climb say goodbye to that which! Thats about as rugged as my high school girlfriends black nail polish. This is Brooklyn nonsense, you want to survive the apocalypse find yourself a full size Jeep or 80's suburban and ride your way to safety in 2 tons of secure comfort. Fuck If there is a zombie apocalypse If my Jeep isn't cutting the mustard, I am finding this guy:

William Byrd > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 10:19

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Put lights on ALL the Hondas!

Jonathan Harper > Who needs sway bars anyway 09/17/2013 at 10:22

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Well then. I stand corrected. I'm gonna find you if the Zombies come. The we can find other people.

Aaron Brown > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 11:34

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If I ever actually get a 944 Im doing this to it.

sadfasdf > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 12:44

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You'll want the bike if you run out of gas. However, your window of opportunity to use it may be small, since you'd have to escape before the truck gets surrounded.

TangoB > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 12:48

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Attached with the finest double-sided tape money can buy.

Fast149 > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 12:48

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Pep Boys, the Brooklyn Zombie Outfitter.

Zuzax > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 12:48

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Hopefully it has somewhere safe to park at night otherwise it will soon be stripped to its bones.

ryanturner103 > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 12:49

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I'm so sick of matte black. Do zombies really care if your car is matte black or pussy wagon yellow?

chad.j > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 12:49

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Right equipment....way wrong vehicle.

phutnick > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 12:49

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I have a Ridgeline. I love my Ridgeline. It is a DUMB choice for offroading.

Maxximtl > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 12:49

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I like the pad lock on the door. haha.

isnewton > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 12:50

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Might be the actually only cool ridgeline in existence.

NonChalanto > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 12:51

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Obligatory Jersey plates, must be pretty wild once you leave the Garden State Parkway!

Prophet of hoon > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 12:52

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oh look a fwd, pseudo off-road vehicle

MTY85 > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 12:52

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What's that truck doing in the City? That's New Jersey tags on it.

Party-vi > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 12:54

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THE HORDE IS COMING QUICK SHIFT INTO 4LO AND CLIMB THIS BLOODSTAINED HILLSIDE!!!

What do you mean "I don't have a low-gear"? No, AWD is not "just as good" as 4WD. NO I AM NOT GETTING OUT TO PUSH!

HammerheadFistpunch > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 12:55

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He'll escape ALL the zombies...unless he has to go up or down a moderate hill. That approach angle...nope.

Also...exterior padlocks on the doors? Were the engineered not to come open in a massive wreck latches so bad that home depot eyelet bolts on sheet metal are better?

J-Tenno > ryanturner103 09/17/2013 at 12:55

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I guess silver would the best bet since most cars are silver.

LazyLemming > Who needs sway bars anyway 09/17/2013 at 12:55

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Agreed. That guy is a wannabe 4 wheeler...

J-Tenno > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 12:55

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It's ready to survive the harsh, modern, American urban environment!

Man, that's some tough shit.

phydeaux > vicali 09/17/2013 at 12:56

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Hmmm, I thought it was a table, so one has a flat surface to break down the guns and clean them in between engagements with zombie hordes.

Ratchet when he's all hopped up on synthetic energon > ryanturner103 09/17/2013 at 12:57

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Matte black reflects less light and gets you less attention... which makes sense in combination with 17 spotlights.

Chewbakkah > Who needs sway bars anyway 09/17/2013 at 12:58

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very valid point about the winch and approach angles

Dennis loves you too > Who needs sway bars anyway 09/17/2013 at 13:01

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Stop hating its all his style why do you feel it necessary to to force your opinions on people thins isn't the forum for bashing its a celebration of human achievement get off this board

Honesty > HammerheadFistpunch 09/17/2013 at 13:02

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I think that's to keep things from getting inside, rather than to keep the doors from flying open... mostly because it'd be impossible for the driver to lock said padlock from the inside.

F1SignalBulb > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:05

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Except the Ridgeline is the opposite of utility. He isn't getting far with that thimble of a gas tank, anyway.

CHuber > Dennis loves you too 09/17/2013 at 13:06

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He isn't giving opinions. He is giving facts. That winch is poorly attached, and wouldn't be able to manage any large pull. It is also mounted too low, destroying the maximum grade change he can tackle. The ground clearance is poor, as are the tires. As for the lights, that much draw is wasteful and could cause electrical problems in the future. Those are all facts, not opinions.

UKPDXWRX > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:07

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This winch is comically huge for this truck. A winch this big could basically split the unibody on this thing into two pieces. Hilarious.

UKPDXWRX > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:09

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Oh man, this guy is FOMO'ing so hard now that LED light bars are out. I'm sure he's saving his tips to replace all these week ass Halogens with an 8 trillion LED setup as we speak. These things are like a polo shirt when we know the bro's be in V-necks now.

hollatchaboy > ryanturner103 09/17/2013 at 13:09

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Doesn't matter if they care or not, but if it's night time and you're (figuratively) trying to evade zombies, what better way to avoid detection from stupid overlooked things like glare and street-light reflections then with matte black? Granted, during a zombie apocalypse there probably won't be any working street-lights or zombies with flashlights... but, it's just better to be safe than dead. If this was a supercar or a modified truck, any color would work because speed is your friend. But, a Honda Ridgeline covered in lights, winches and other heavy zombie-proof shit isn't going to be the best at running away.

Renegade > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:10

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It's still a CRV with a bed. I mean, a really tall Civic with a bed. I mean...

Oh, nevermind.

ethanheisler > chad.j 09/17/2013 at 13:11

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But is it? Sure it doesn't have the most impressive of offroad capabilities but I'm not sure how many dunes he will be traversing in the NYC area. Plus legendary Honda reliability.

NathSB > William Byrd 09/17/2013 at 13:12

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Put ALL the lights on Hondas.

HammerheadFistpunch > Honesty 09/17/2013 at 13:13

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obviously...but the point is...if the locks that the vehicle came equipped with are strong enough to keep doors closed in a massive crash....why would they not be good enough to keep out zombies? and why would bolts tied into sheet metal be better? Lastly, there is glass...which is going to give first do you think: The hardened, internally mounted, structurally attached door latches, the home depot body attached lock, or the window?

Thipps > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:14

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unibody trucks.....thats cute

dont let that 10,000 pound winch rip your core support out

Wacko > vicali 09/17/2013 at 13:14

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I was going to say the same thing, what table??, all i see is jerry/water cans

Gr8Dane > Party-vi 09/17/2013 at 13:15

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While I'm one of the awkward few that actually DO like the Ridgeline...the lack of 4wd-LO is a real bummer.

Shane > Who needs sway bars anyway 09/17/2013 at 13:15

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Maybe he's afraid of the dark? But yeah, his approach angle sucks. He needs to tuck that winch up inside his frame rails (if it has any) and ditch that big ass bumper. I can understand a push guard for mowing down Zomb's but that thing is hurting more than helping.

Get some big meaty BFG KM2's 4 on the truck, 2 in the bed. 37" and cut the fenders to fit.

SSurfer123 > phutnick 09/17/2013 at 13:16

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Ridgeline's are fantastic urban utility vehicles. Better fuel economy that body-on-frame trucks but still useful utility space in the back. Not sure how their towing rating compares but darn useful vehicles for picking up a small load from the hardware store. Whether it be a few sheets of plywood or bags of mulch.

My only gripe is the location of the spare. If the bed is full, you have to unload it to get at the spare. But there are other solutions (Green Slime, Fix-A-Flat).

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Who needs sway bars anyway 09/17/2013 at 13:18

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I'd put money on the fact the winch probably isn't even hooked up.

Formula4speed > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:19

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Seems like an appropriate toy in an ever-more-disneyfied nyc. Huge sections of the city now look the part but are ultimately caricatures of themselves, why shouldn't the vehicles match?

Andypot > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:19

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Well, it's ready to repel hipsters...probably not much more.

HammerheadFistpunch > phutnick 09/17/2013 at 13:20

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its a very nice urban utility truck with poor weather capability...but that's about where it ends.

philaDLJ > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:21

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I'll bet that solar panel would get hot in the desert...but not quite hot enough to fry an egg. For that, you need a Viper exhaust sill.

David E. Davis > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:21

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So sorry little boy. Come play when you put that stuff on a real truck.

philaDLJ > HammerheadFistpunch 09/17/2013 at 13:21

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Maybe Mr. Bean turned survivalist.

Jalop-O > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:22

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A winch attached to a brush guard? Hahaha

Good luck with that!

Who needs sway bars anyway > Dennis loves you too 09/17/2013 at 13:22

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Who the fuck are you? I'm not here to pussy foot around some moron that thinks this is going to get them out of a jam, I am not going to celebrate piles of garbage. and who the fuck do you think you are telling me to get off the board from a burner account. Go back to gawker forums and sing kumbaya if you want to celebrate stupidity and mediocracy.

Erzhik Tem > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:22

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NJ plates. Are you sure it's for zombies and not guidos?

newtexian > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:22

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What's this "Honda Ridgeline" you speak of? Didn't that thing go extinct a year after it came on the scene?

Ry-bones, FiST pilot > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:24

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Got a Warn Powerplant, that's a $1600 winch and compressor in one, too bad it is hanging off the front on a woefully inadequate mounting plate. No approach angle or protection from damage or theft. This guy has more dollars than sense.

nestanj > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:25

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Vibrating table football game!

Party-vi > Gr8Dane 09/17/2013 at 13:25

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It will also be the reason you're eaten by zombies.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Who needs sway bars anyway 09/17/2013 at 13:25

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Stop hating its all his style why do you feel it necessary to to force your opinions on people thins isn't the forum for bashing its a celebration of human achievement get off this board

Looks like the owner found this article.

ACCEL_ENG > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:27

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Zombies? No more like some Hippies driving up gentle gravel roads in state forests to find their hidden grow operation. The pad locks keep stoners out, 'cause you know that back seat is full of the sticky-icky-icky...

nestanj > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:27

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Not a winch — this is a generator to power all the lights. Otherwise, the alternator explode in the moment you turned all those idiotic lights on at once.

CelrDwelr > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:28

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Hmm...I guess the best thing I could do to anti-zombie a Miata would be to coat it in teflon.

nestanj > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:28

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He lost all off-road cred with the All Season Potenzas.

HammerheadFistpunch > HammerheadFistpunch 09/17/2013 at 13:31

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Here is a visual demonstration of what he's done to his approach angle with the winch.

Shane > Dennis loves you too 09/17/2013 at 13:31

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He's not hating, he's stating the fact that if this is his zombie survival truck, he'll be dead in about 5 minutes after he plunges into a hillside at speed and gets launched through the windshield. Then eaten... Of course.

asenna > Party-vi 09/17/2013 at 13:32

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wait till the VTEC kicks in yo!

Gr8Dane > Party-vi 09/17/2013 at 13:32

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This is why I drive a '98 S10 Blazer 4x4 LT instead ;

Blessed be thy Push-Button Transfer Case.

angusparvo > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:32

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It looks like someone strapped a bomb to the front bumper.

shanepj13 > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:33

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Somebody please remind this individual that he's got offroad lights and a huge winch on a HONDA RIDGELINE in the CITY.

Zomnbie preparedness or not, you sir, look stupid.

hollanddjw 1 > Who needs sway bars anyway 09/17/2013 at 13:34

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Owned.

Mike Oxmall > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:34

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"Cute little car"- quote from my Wrangler.

Mike Oxmall > ryanturner103 09/17/2013 at 13:36

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did you know that the famous pussy wagon still sits in Quentin's driveway? I cant help but wonder what the heck his plans may be for that little jewel.

Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:36

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The bike is the BOV, an essential for any zombie escape vehicle.

http://jalopnik.com/360213/the-ten…

HammerheadFistpunch > Who needs sway bars anyway 09/17/2013 at 13:37

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lets visually demonstrate what he's done to his approach angle.

Hello Honda Baja... Seriouly...I would rather have the baja, it looks fast at least.

Mike Oxmall > nestanj 09/17/2013 at 13:39

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THAT would actually make this thing useful.

James > Who needs sway bars anyway 09/17/2013 at 13:41

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Agreed, not to mention he started with a Ridgeline, a terrible basis: One, unibody construction. Two: IFS is a liability off-road. Three: Has AWD, not part-time 4wd, which is more fragile over off-pavement terrain. VTM-4 system will let you "lock" the wheels, sort of... until 6mph. (How does it accurately get MPH when you're stuck and spinning wheels and need your locker?) Fourth: No low range . Anyone who has done worthwhile offroading knows how wonderful low range is.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Gr8Dane 09/17/2013 at 13:41

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Push button?

Bro do you even lever?

662CHP > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:43

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Simply dumb. Isn't a Ridgeline an Accord with a truck body? I call foul.

Who needs sway bars anyway > HammerheadFistpunch 09/17/2013 at 13:45

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This is perfect. The approach angle on the Ridgeline is Pathetic to begin with never mind adding a winch that sticks out 2 ft from the bumper.

P.S. that Baja looks like it was done proper. Proper bumper, proper undercarriage protection I would just like to see some beefier tires , would jump 10/10

sammyjay > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:47

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I'd love to see the alternator and wiring harnesses on this Honda Avalanche Crosstour.

Who needs sway bars anyway > David E. Davis 09/17/2013 at 13:49

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Fucking A' Thats how its done. I don't have quite as much steel up front but my whole frame is reinforced and two trees, two rear endings and a good amount of rocks and a deer and there isn't a dent yet, on the bumpers that is.

P.S. This is why approach and departure angles matter folks.

945T > Dennis loves you too 09/17/2013 at 13:49

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Not sure if trolling, or just a bro-bag. LOL

This is the new thing with trucks - forget dubs, etc etc... Get a Japanese truck, paint it black everywhere, and add as many lights as possible. There is some guy around here that has a Tundra with the same treatment, except 2x as many lamps and they are all LED. He also has expedition roof racks. I've never seen a speck of dirt on it, and he jus drives it around our urban area like the douche-bro-bag he is. If I see it today ill take a photo.

R W > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:49

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so whos car is it. and why does he have too much money? trust fundie?

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Who needs sway bars anyway 09/17/2013 at 13:50

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That's the post I would have made, but I decided to just walk away and not crush whomever.

Then again, some people/things need crushing.

Gr8Dane > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. 09/17/2013 at 13:50

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I used to in my old 4Runner, but then discovered the magic of column-shift + push buttons and how much free-storage-area they allowed for.

The old way suddenly seemed like a waste of space.

Sorry, I guess I'm not as cool anymore.

James Cassell > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:53

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In case you run out of fuel.

James Cassell > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:53

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In case you run out of fuel?

Dest > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:53

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That winch mount...hope it's just for looks.

Canuk > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:54

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I'd prefer to have the Knight XV for my zombie apocolypse, at least then I could survive the eventual bullets from the desperates.

Evan78 > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:55

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The gear looks like it sees some use, so is it more likely that this guy spent thousands just for the look or that he actually uses this stuff and it meets his needs? If something doesn't meet his needs, he'll learn and either change it or live with the limitations.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:55

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That thing is horrendous. One of the worst trucks ever built, why put a bed on a unibody truck?!

DeskNinja > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:57

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THERE.ARE.FOUR.LIGHTOh...there are seventeen, actually...Sorry, I'll just see myself out...

GreenN_Gold > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 13:58

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Where is the No.3 on the side?

Nick > Honesty 09/17/2013 at 14:00

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You could lock them then climb in through your window, its not impossible to lock from inside.

Ruffles > HammerheadFistpunch 09/17/2013 at 14:02

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I have a Ridgeline and love it as well. It's actually far better in the snow then my previous Ford and Chevy trucks. The only thing it lacks for serious off roading is a low range transfer case.

juggaho > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 14:03

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I don't think this worked out the way you wanted it to, JBH.

HammerheadFistpunch > Ruffles 09/17/2013 at 14:05

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That's exactly what took it out of the running for me when it was briefly considered for my exploration vehicle. The mileage and refinement were temping...but in the end it was just too little truck for me. Don't misunderstand, I think they are great vehicles and i like the blend that skews street...but it just wasn't right for me and CERTAINLY not right for this treatment.

Ruffles > vicali 09/17/2013 at 14:05

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Unfortunately, he's going to need the extra gas. My Ridgeline only gets around 18 MPG. You'd think a Honda V6 would get better mileage.

Jonathan Harper > juggaho 09/17/2013 at 14:05

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Or did it work out just the way I wanted to ;)

Muaaaahahahaha!

djstwo > Jonathan Harper 09/17/2013 at 14:06

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Yakima basketcase: http://www.yakima.com/shop/cargo/gea…

Jonathan Harper > nestanj 09/17/2013 at 14:07

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Read the last paragraph. He's got a different set of wheels/tires for offroad.

Ruffles > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner 09/17/2013 at 14:09

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Spoken by someone who doesn't have one. The Ridgeline is perfect for what 99% of people need. It tows my ATV's just fine and the bed is big enough for trips to Home Depot. The trunk in the bed is weather proof and secure and I use mine all the time. The AWD system works great in the snow. Finally, since it's my daily driver, it's as comfortable as a car.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Gr8Dane 09/17/2013 at 14:10

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It's okay, I'll let it pass... this time...

Although +1 for the column shift.